Brain fog: Clouding of consciousness, also known as brain fog or mental fog, is a term used in medicine denoting an abnormality in the regulation of the overall level of consciousness that is mild and less severe than a delirium. The sufferer experiences a subjective sensation of mental clouding described as feeling “foggy”.
Thanks Google and Wikipedia… one of my points being proven right here. I couldn’t come up with the words to define brain fog in a coherent way. Now that may just seem like a normal thing but it goes deeper than that.
Just now I had to exit my blog. Switch over to google and sit there for a few seconds and try to remember why I was staring at a google search bar.
It is so incredibly frustrating.
It takes every ounce of me to semi exist in a social setting. Never mind when I am on medications that make this fog worse.
I resort to being on my phone most of the time. It’s easier than having to try to keep up with a conversation that most of the time I get lost in anyway.
I was at lunch with one of my really good friends and Russell. My oldest “brother” and Russell get along really well. Both of my brothers do actually. The oldest, M, happened to be in town and we met for lunch. I always look forward to these lunches because I hardly see M and being chronically ill makes it difficult to go see him on my own. I have to depend on other people’s schedules.
So Russell, M, and I are sitting together eating lunch. I began to feel really left out but didn’t say anything because I love that M and Russell get along so well and have so much in common.
I am beginning to see that other people are not the problem. They are not the reason I feel left out. I am.
I’ll let that sink in… mostly because it really hit me hard.
My brain can’t keep up. It’s tiring. That’s why I’m absent. The more I see it (when I can actually think straight) I know that I am probably the worst person to have a social lunch with.
If it is really important. Like a friend wanting to vent or get advice I usually can focus but if I can’t then I tell them.
I try to be honest but I know now why social activities are just as difficult as the physical ones.
This breaks my heart. I feel like there is one more thing that has been taken away.
It just seems never ending. I have tears in my eyes as I write this post. The posts that are the most difficult for me emotionally are the easiest to write. I don’t lose track of what I am trying to say most of the time.
I hate how the brain plays tricks on you.
Brain Fog. I have to write everything down. Then I have to remember to check it.
I used to forget if I had taken my meds. So sometimes I wouldn’t get them or I would get them more than once.
I have a system in place now but brain fog is no joke. I am 24 and have a crappy memory and I can’t focus for very long. I do puzzles and crochet and keep my mind active but it doesn’t seeem to make that big of a difference.
So next time I see you or if it’s the first time we meet and I seeem distant or disinterested that most likely isn’t the case.
Please try to be understanding. I know it’s my fault. I am trying.
Until next time…