When Your Disease Makes You Feel Like An Old Lady

When Your Disease Makes You Feel Like An Old Lady

Last night I went out with one of my best friends and went dancing.


I was getting ready to go out at 10:30pm… and I was thinking to myself… I haven’t done this in years…. 

I left the house with crazy excitement! I was going to be “normal”!! I was going to be the party me!! Like back before my life got thrown into a different direction.

As the night went on and after a lot of dancing I was looking around and I thought to myself how do all of these people have so much energy?!

Seriously though, how?! I sat there with my heart racing and trying to catch my breath…watching….

Once again I was a spectator. Someone on the sidelines. I felt old.

I was definitely older than the people we were talking to. My body felt old. I felt maybe 30-40 years older… I’m 24. I went out to have a great night (and it was) but when I got home I wanted to crawl up into a ball and give in to the pain I was feeling.

My ankle was killing me. (Quick tidbit: don’t dance like crazy on an ankle that you had surgery on 2 months ago…) My back was screaming… Every part of my wanted to lay out flat and give up….

I didn’t. I continued to dance. If I was going to be miserable it was going to be for a good reason by golly!

I came home. I told Russell about my night and then crawled into bed. I just wanted to stop feeling every muscle, tendon, bone, ligament, and whatever other connective tissues that exist in my body….

I couldn’t believe how tired I was and how much pain I was feeling… I just wanted it to stop. I was feeling pretty miserable. I took half a pain tablet just to make it stop hurting. I am still hurting today… I am exhausted but I would do it again in a heartbeat!

I would not trade that experience for the world! I will probably plan it out a little better but I would do it again!

I feel like an old woman when it comes to being active and having fun. When it comes to camping or rock climbing or dancing like I used to…. I feel like I am 30-40 years older than I am…

Until next time…

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