Ch–Ch–Changes

Ch–Ch–Changes

Hey y’all!
Just a brief update!
I am sure you have seen my site look like a billion different layouts. If it has been messing with your head I am sorry.

I was trying to find a look I liked. I think I have found one to settle on for now but thanks for your patience as Spoonies Meets World keeps evolving.

Until next time friends!

Why SMW Exists

Why SMW Exists

So I am a big time follower of The Mighty (a blog for people with chronic illnesses, caregivers, family members, etc…) and a lot of times it reminds me of why I started Spoonie Meets World.

I don’t think I have really ever spelled it out, though. I think it is important for my followers and potential followers to know.

So with that I begin.

As Was scrolling through The Mighty there was an article called 31 Difficult Side Effects of Chronic Illness No One’s Talking About* and one of the side effects really hit the nail on the head for the reason I started this blog.

It is reason #5 and the Spoonie who wrote it says this:

“The feeling of being stuck between two worlds. The sick world and the ‘normal’ world. You are too sick to be normal, but not sick enough that you have to be ‘normal.’ Except trying to be like everyone else when you are sick is a struggle and usually just makes you sicker!”

Being stuck between two worlds is a place that many of us sit. I don’t seem sick when I am out in public. Sometimes I don’t even seem sick when I am at home. We are too functional but not functional enough.

 

When I was working at the vet clinic if I ever shared about my chronic illnesses they would be so amazed. I didn’t “look” sick (something we hear all the time for invisible illnesses) and ” I am just so bubbly all the time!”

Here is what I would tell them every time: You have no idea what it takes to make this work on a daily basis. I give everything I have here and then go home, take a two hour nap, and am pretty much a zombie to my family until the weekend and hopefully I am feeling well enough to go do something fun.

They would just stop and look at me and probably would follow up with something like “well I just think that it’s great you’re here…”

 

Spoonie Meets World is to bridge that gap. Hence the name. Isn’t that clever? I thought so. I am definitely tooting my own horn and patting my own back for the name.

Spoonies Meets World is my baby and this is how it was born. Someone managed to find the exact words I needed to explain the birth of my blog and to that person (if you are reading this) thank you.

Also, thank you to The Mighty *8for being such a =n amazing resource to us all.

*In no way do I own this article.

** I am not affiliated with this blog. I just think it is totally awesome! Sometimes I do contribute but they don’t reward me in anyway for putting their name on my blog.

Check out my blog post that is on The Mighty here (on SMW) and here (on The Mighty)!

Leave me a note and let me know what you think! Or just to say hi!

Until next time my friends!

How Do I?

How Do I?

Okay,
I have the biggest problem with trying to figure out how. How do I do this? How does this happen? How come I didn’t think of this? How can I keep going?

I think you get the point.

How do I get my butt into gear?

I am struggling with the hows.

Who has the answers? Anybody? I don’t really know how I will begin but I know I have to.

You see, I can sit here and lay out my ultimate goal for life but how will that start anything? How will I get there if I don’t start?

I will begin by sharing with you, all of you, my goals. I feel like if I share this with more than 10 people some accountability is here.

Here they are:

I want to be a blogger (if it takes off that would be cool too)
I want to be a vlogger
I want to be a public speaker

Those are my three things. The ultimate. The everything. I sit at different conferences and church and etc…. I want to be that person up there.

I want to make my story known. To make it mean something. Heck I may publish a book one day. I just know I have these goals. You make ask how will you accomplish all of these things, Abbey?

The answer: No freaking clue but I will work hard to make these goals my reality. If they don’t happen, well, I had a blast on the way!

What are some goals that you have on the list? Do you struggle with the hows?

Until next time my friends!

Two Days. Too Much.

Two Days. Too Much.

Sunday,
I spent the day pushing myself too far. I cleaned/organized my bathroom and clean/organized half of the bedroom. I hadn’t been sleeping well the past few nights so I was already tired.

Monday,
I Neflixed and Chilled. Seriously, that is all I did. I ate some food. Made some phone calls but I watched 9 hours of Netflix. I feel like I should get a sponsorship from Netflix.The amount I have watched… probably doesn’t mount to much… that’s not the point! The point is I watch a lot. I don’t feel good a lot.

Tuesday. Today.
I took much of today shopping (it was fun but was also a necessity). When you lose and gain weight so much… Well you go through a lot of clothes. Or at least I do. If the clothes don’t feel right it sends me into a panic attack. Which seems ridiculous to do. I met with my lawyer today.

All of this doesn’t sound like a lot but I have way more to do this week and all I want to do is sleep and binge-watch Netflix. I have ankle surgery coming up and that is exhausting enough.I am ready for vacation. No more doctor’s appointments for a whole week. How cool is that?!

Until next time.

Does It Get Easier?

Does It Get Easier?

Today I have been sick. Sort of. I think. Probably just an overload of allergies and sinus pressure but still it feels awful. 

I have begun the process of applying for SSI (supplemental security income). 

Let me tell you, this has me totally freaked out! 

My last day of work is tomorrow and I have been feeling bad all week. I just want to sleep for a month. I am so tired. 

I have been waiting because.. well I don’t know…

My knees have hit the ground. I have been praying and telling God that I have surrendered. Nothing is in my control anymore. He has it all. 

I feel a little lost. Caught in the wind like a leaf but I know I will find my destination.

It just doesn’t feel like it right now. 

Defining Healing

Defining Healing

I have been really concentrating and reflecting on this particular post. It has been on my list for about 3 months now. This particular topic is incredibly important to me. So here we go.

I have been told that we have to allow things to heal. Or that people pray for healing. Or with time healing will come.

Now, originally when I heard healing I thought it meant being complete. Not being sick anymore. Being who I was. In the past.

There are numerous bible passages that speak of healing and I won’t list them; there are too many. 
I began to ask myself over time what exactly does healing mean? 
I did not look it up in the dictionary because it is not about what the English language tells me about healing… It is about what I feel like healing is. 

How do we know we are healed or when we are broken? We feel it. So why try to very specifically define something we feel? Can anyone define love? Hurt? Happiness? Sadness? That is without using the word in the definition. 

I know I can’t. If I try to put these things into words….to define them. I end up using a lot of words that need a definition themselves to truly grasp the concept. 

When it comes to healing… I am still sick and I keep hitting bumps on my way down the road. Does that mean I don’t experience healing? For some healing is no more sickness, no more hurt, no more anger. 

What if the concept of healing was not the absence of things? What if healing is still feeling that hurt, sadness, illness, and anger but bringing that with you into your life instead of shutting it out.

Have I lost anyone? You’re probably like: What is this woman talking about?! How does hurt, sadness, illness, etc. do anything for us that is positive?

Well, that’s just it. Positive is good but how do we know how truly good something is if we don’t have anything to compare it to? 

I have had 5 years to think about this. Mostly because all I think I have felt was brokenness. When I re-evauluate the situation and really think about how I have healed in the past 5 years up until now… I have found, for me, that I have taken on something I never imagined I would have to. I never thought I would have this stubbornness and strength to push back. To say enough is enough. 

I am still sick. I still have my days where I feel weak and like I can’t take anymore. They are the hard days. 

Those are the days where I question. Am I really a warrior? Is this really a quality of life? Why do we have to live this way? Why do I have to think and feel this way? 

I have experienced healing. I have experienced brokenness. Healing may not be what you think….

Am I Supposed to Feel Free?

Am I Supposed to Feel Free?

So Friday was my first day of not working. How did I feel? Like total crap because I have an allergy induced cold. I can’t believe that’s actually a thing! 

You can get a cold because your allergies get so bad! What the heck body?! 

This is not news to me but it does not get any less irritating year after year. Once or twice a year I get to experience this total crap of an allergy season that gives me a cold. 

So, no job. I think I feel… useless…. What am I going to do? Hm. 
Type up blog posts on the regular I guess. I don’t want to spend a crap ton of money because well… you have to have money to spend. I am just very bleh.

I don’t feel free. I feel like a canary that has been left out of their cage to fly around and see that they are stuck in a room. Not outdoors. 

Maybe it’s just because I am currently what I call “normal people” sick. I feel pretty miserable. I know I am super whiny about a cold but I’m not used to being normal people sick. I am used to being chronically ill. There is a HUGE difference. 

You begin to cope, manage,and grow accustomed to your way of life. It sucks but that is chronic illness for you. It’s something you know how to deal with. You begin to forget about normal people illnesses until you have one. Then you feel like the biggest baby in the world and like you’re going to die at any moment.

This may sound absolutely ridiculous but I assure you it is fact. You get a simple sinus headache and you start pulling out all your heavy duty migraine meds because it feels like a migraine is coming on. You take one and it does NOTHING! Now you are just feeling high. What to do? Wait two hours and take a freaking Sudafed. 

You sleep all day because you are used to chronic migraines and then you get something really simple and think you have to pull out the big guns. It’s like you totally forget that there are over the counter meds for simple little ailments. 

How do you forget how to be normal people sick? I guess it just comes with the territory. 

Do y’all have any experience or thoughts on this?

Let me know!

Until next time.

The Nectar of Awesome!

The Nectar of Awesome!

Okay y’all, today is super busy! I had a cardiology appointment today and then we are picking up my cousin’s daughter so we can have some summer fun! 

I want to focus on the cardiology appointment. 

So I went with Russell and my mom. A previous cardiologist said that she wanted to just put on some medicine and it will fix it. 

Now I do believe in the power of medications. I also believe that a pill is not always the answer. 

I didn’t really feel like the first cardiologist listened to me. 

This one did. He answered all of my questions and made sure I understood. 

Two words. Coconut. Water. 

It is the nectar of awesome. He explained that when you get the raw cold pressed coconut water and drink 1 bottle a day it keep your electrolytes up and antioxidants and all kinds of good stuff. 

What does this have to do with my heart? Weight loss and malnutrition contribute to all kinds of body issues. 

The heart works harder when you are dehydrated. 

He wanted me to try to drink 1 bottle a day and minimize my caffeine intake. Which I have already begun doing. The caffeine part, that is. 

It blew my mind. A doctor that actually is not totally medication nor holistic homeopathic stuff. 

Sometimes the solution is simple. Nature does provide what our bodies need. Sometimes we need help with medical alternatives. 

I’m not saying that this is a cure all or that I don’t want to take medicine if I need it. 

I just want the chance to keep it to a minimum of possible.

That is all. 

So maybe go try some coconut water. 

My doctor recommended Harmless Harvest Raw Coconut Water*.

*This is not a paid advertisement. I am in no way affiliated with Harmless Harvest. I am just sharing a recommendation made my a medical professional. Please do not do anything without consulting your doctor first. 

Oh Heavens!

Oh Heavens!

Today is the first full day we have had my mom’s 6 year old great niece, M. As much as I want to be able to play all day and run around… you know… all the things an energetic 6 year old does… I just can’t. 

I constantly wonder about if I should ever have children. If it would be selfish of me to bring a child into this world or adopt one into my world if I can’t even do 24 hours…

Yesterday, we went to pick M up because she has a newborn sister, R, and mommy was taking care of her. We visited for a bit. I got to hold R. You know that immediate feeling of just falling in love? Yeah. She may not be my baby but I just held her (and had to change her diaper… haha) and absolutely melted. 

I know what y’all must be thinking. Oh my! She has baby fever! Honestly, I don’t. I am afraid of what it would mean if I had a child but that doesn’t keep me from enjoying the presence of such a precious gift. 

Now, her 6 year old. I would just love to be able to chase around and constantly talk and play. That is not reality for me. Last night after M’s bath I brushed out her hair and blow dried it. While I was doing this I just kept thinking… this is such a tiny itty bitty little slice of what it feels like to love a child. To care for one. 

I got that feeling with R and then again with M. I stayed up late last night. I was thinking. I love R and M and their brother A to death. They are great kids. (Well, R hasn’t had a chance to make trouble yet…. :P) I still stay up at night… thinking… 

Should I even dare to let myself have the desire, or want, to have children? How would I care for one or more? Should I just be a doggy mommy? Should I never pursue my once dream of having children and being a stay at home mom? 

Of course, all of these thoughts cross my mind when I lay in bed and try to go to sleep. While my body aches, I just lay there and think until I can no longer keep my eyes open. That and my meds kick in. 

Today, I am worn. Which makes me question the whole children thing again. 

Is this something y’all face? Something you fear or wonder? 

Until next time. 

Come Together 

Come Together 

Hey y’all! 

I wanted to take a moment to share with you what is going on this next week because I will be in and out when it comes to my blog! I will still check for comments and feedback everyday. 

So I have a ton of phone calls to make tomorrow. I have to make a couple of appointments and reschedule some. 

I am having to find a new supply company for all of my feeding supplies. (my current company will be getting a post of their own)

I am working on Spoonie Meets World’s new look. 

I have a couple of people who are willing to network with me! Which is awesome! So I am working on some new content! 

I am working on this blog but I will also be starting a small vlog on YouTube and see how that goes. 

The vlog will take some time so I will make the big announcement once it is live. 

My last day of work is this Thursday and I meet with my disability/social security lawyers this Tuesday. 

The next week my mom is picking up her great niece for some quality girl time.

Today my cousin came over with her newborn baby girl and she is just so precious! 

As y’all can see I have a lot going on!! I hope y’all have a great week and I will be posting as often as I can with all of this going on!

Until next time.